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August 27th, 2009

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August 1st, 2009

04:57 pm - I'm floating in water OKay. So it's been awhile since I've written on here! I recently made a new facebook account and that has been distracting me. I've already been reminded why I deleted my first facebook and I'm already contemplating deleting me new one. ANYWAY. [strange I know] I'm going to California on August 10 to see Timothy! Yeah, weird how we just started talking again like almost 2 weeks ago and we already spilt a ticket for me to fly out there. I'm stoked though, It's Seqouia National Park. Beautiful. Amazing. Tim is going to take me to Crystal Cave and ofcourse The Giant Forest ..ect ect! I'm just nervous because this is all moving at such a fast rate. Esp. Considering I just got out of an intense 5 year long realotionship. I don't know....ANYWAY. With all this excitement about going to Cali and such, I'm still BORED out of my mind. I think I'm just ready to leave Rome. Rome is great, Don't get me wrong, I have just simply grown out of it. I don't have much of a "social life". I do but then I don't. I chose it to be this way so.. Right now all of my close friends are guys, I'm the kind of girl who bonds easily with guys and it will never go to that sexual level. In a lot of cases with me though, the guy will try something or confess feelings and it really just ruins it all. Some people dpn't believe in guys and girls being JUST FRIENDS, I certaintly do. I just can't wait until I start GA STATE in spring and live in atlanta. OH YEAHHH!! I'm wrting got the Six Mile Post this fall at ga highlands. I know it's Ga highlands but the paper itself has one many awards for both 2 and 4 yr colleges in ga. I'll be writing , [which the writers don't get paid..figures] and I'm the advertising manager! Which will be a $100 a month plus conmission on all ads. Exciting, I think. & being the ad manager will open my eyes more to deciding on whether or not to switch my  major to public relations. Well! I'm off, Dear Timothy is calling and I might go to atl with a friend. stay peaceful Current Mood: peaceful

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July 18th, 2009

06:13 pm - Let me run with you tonight and I'll take you on a moonlight ride We walked about 5 miles into the woods at around 2 a.m. We talked of houses made of sunflowers, his many adventures, the world.... That was the thing with him, we could talk for hours and make each other laugh endlessly. The moon was always perfect on nights spent with him.  I miss you Tim. Current Location: babysitting! :( Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Tom Petty

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July 13th, 2009

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July 11th, 2009

10:27 pm - tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Hello my love, What exactly makes a healthy relationship? Well, for the obvious, it's love, happiness, trust, patience, fun and a lot of other "extra" things. One thing, I advise NO ONE to stay in a long relationship in high school. Long relationships at such a young age just brings stress, drama, it stunts your emotional and mental growth, and it brings a TON of heart ache. Well, of course, relationships (regardless of age) help you learn and grow as a person as well and there are great things that you gain BUT sometimes, at the end of the day, after so long, none of the cons are really worth it anymore. Love can be beautiful and the reason you wake up everyday, but sometimes the love dies and the two people involved sometimes don't know how to stop even after the love has run dry. When you don't know when to stop, you are left feeling confused, stupid, insane, helpless at times. You know it has to end, but yet you know what you had and you know you still want that. So, you just don't want to let go. ANYWAY- I'm going to be 20 in 3 DAYS! stay peaceful. :) Current Location: My bedroom Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: right now, anything mellow

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July 7th, 2009

03:39 pm Hello,        Have you ever noticed how beautiful trees are? Really, they are magnificent. If you look at a tree from a distance, and really observe you will see. Look at the tree and compare it to it's surroundings. You will then notice the entire outline of it, the pose that the tree holds with it's branches. Okay, you might be thinking it's a fucking tree. This is what you should do then, don't label the tree. Act as if it has no name at all. Because, instantly when our mind thinks of "tree", most people might  think big [or small] plant.  You see, us as humans build huge buildings and such. The tree is a naturally MASSIVE living thing. Is it not insane how this plant that starts out so small, turns out to be huge.I guess what I'm trying to convey is, trees are really these beautiful sources of life and sometimes people over look that........also, with a bird, you think oh it's just a bird. No, look at the bird for what it is. It has wings, two small little feet and a beak. This bird can travel on it's own and land where ever it pleases. It builds his/her own home, lays eggs and tends to them. It is a remarkable living creature. On another note, it is so sad when you go to have dinner with someone, who you use to be insanely close with and it just isn't the same anymore. There should not any insecure feelings about yourself or life when eating with someone who was like a sister [or brother] to you. The dinner shouldn't leave you feeling like shit.  Two best friends promised they would never grow apart, well promises brake themselves sometimes. change is great, sometimes weird at first, but great. I can't wait for Thai food with Winnie later! YUM- Current Location: My bedroom Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: third eye blind

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July 6th, 2009

08:35 pm - kjdhoasihda[osidh AHHHH! I am so fucking tired of watching babies! I had to wake up at 6 a.m. to watch 7, YES SEVEN! new born babies till 12 and now I'm at my mother's friend's watching her demons for the night. The things I do to get paid. AT LEAST tom. will be easy. SCHOOL..SLEEP. I wish I had a cig and some no doubt..yeah those two would be kinda great right now. stay peaceful. Current Location: a house full of kids Current Mood: lonely Current Music: no doubt, the cranberries, and queen..those would all be good right now..

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July 5th, 2009

11:36 pm - my version of young goodman brown! haa Hello My Love, I  woke up in a beautiful field. The grass was tall,bright green and swaying so gently with the wind. The sun was at its peak of the day, schorching down upon me.I had no idea how i got there, the last I remembered was laying in my bed. Although I am oblivioous, I’m not frightened. I feel calm, as if my subconscious mind had prepared for this. I stood up and looked ahead of me and saw two huge Giant Sequoia trees. I walked slowly in between them and right as I passed the two perfectly parallel trees, the day turned to night. Suddenly, an old oak door appeared before me.The door is only about three feet tall and has a huge brass knob. I get on my knees and slowly turn the knob and craw in. With the first few crawls I make my hand lands on a purple bracelet. Oddly, my name is stitched on it. I decide it is meant for me to put it on and as I do so, a trail appears before me.      I am greeted by no one. I follow the trail made of small rocks. The air is cool and moist. A loud thrashing sounds comes out of no where and suddenly I begin to see images in perfect rectangles with every step I take. I stop to observe the images, the images are moving like a movie, and I recognize the small child running in the first image.The child is me and the image is a memory. I am bit afraid now, but my curiousity overcomes my fear. I walk slowly and these huge projected like images keep appearing.The further I go, the older I am in the images.I walk along, laughing or  feeling sad by  the recorded moments that have mutilated my heart in the dreadful past.  I see nothing but these images and the trail of rocks.             All around me, I am overwhelmed with a loud piercing sound, like sound of someone hitting the brakes before a horrible crash. Nothing is in front of me now, just darkness. I try to walk on, but I cannot. It is like an invisible wall is in front of me, I bang  at nothing and throw my body against it and like rubber, I bounce back. I try to go back where I came from but it is the dame effect. Suddenly, a huge projected image appears. I frightfully watch the changing images. I see myself conent with life; I see my family and friends surround me with happiness as well.Life is colorful and envocative.  I feel excited to see my life at such a brilliant state.     Out of nowhere these images stop and it is nothing but a black hole. Suddeny I feel empty and futile.Horrible images fill the hole and I am overwhelmed. I see myself making regretful choices and being apathetic about them. I see myself with new friends but inconstructive ones. I have distanced myself from my family and old friends. I see my family and friends feeling sad and ashamed for me.I see my life black and white. The images of myself are startling. I am depressed, indolent and angry at the world. My life has fallen into pieces and I’m the one to blame. I feel the force slacken and I run, run as if i know where I'm going, I run like something is after me.             I run for what feels like hours, I feel no exhaustion, just dread and fear. I see sunlight ahead, I run faster. I reach another door just like the first one, I open it. I see the same two trees and run between them, I feel the warmth the sun. I come to the same spot I was before; you can see the imprint of my body. I kneel into the indented spot;I instanly being to sob. I cry  tears of every kind, sadness, happiness, regret, anger, remorse. I lie in the indented spot and then I vanish. I wake up to find I am back in present day. I instantly assume it was a dream, I sit in my bed and sigh with relief. Then, I notice my hands, they are filthy and the purple bracelet is tied around my wrist. This is not really a short story, it's more of a...essay in story form. I don't know. WHAT THE FUCK EVER :) Current Mood: tired

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04:24 pm - rainy sunday never felt so good hello! well today was a BIT productive. I went to Linda's and helped with the dogs some and cleaned some of the kennels. My youngest sister had a small birthday get together at los portales. (sp?) Originally she was going to have a pool party but the rain came and ruined that. Poor little Aspen was so upset! But, she got plenty of presents so I'm sure she's fine now. I put an application in at the olive garden yesterday, a girl I know from school works there and she said she makes around $150 on some nights. That would be GREAT, plus I'd still keep my babysitting job too. Also, she says you get 50% off, I loveee olive garden so that is also FANTASTIC (haha). AHHH! tomarrow is going to be a long BORING DAY. So dreadfully boring it's not even worth posting. All this frenzy about Michael Jackson is insane! you would think the world is about to come to end. I'm being a bit cynical..he was very talented. ANYWAY. I sort of feel like taking a long delicious nap. I know though that I would feel depressed when I woke up. Sometimes, when i sleep during the day and awake towards the end of the day I am left with this depressed mood. Does that ever happen to you? I imagine so..or not. peace. Current Mood: bored Current Music: anything Sublime

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01:17 am Thinking too much results into a headache, BUT thinking too much results into writing, so I am grateful for that. I have heard people tell me that I think too much so many times. I say, yeah maybe but I rather have an occupied mind rather than an empty soul. haha that's a little harsh on the others but you know what I mean. I made a 90 on my online art appreciation class! woo hoo! go me!!! :) Current Mood: calm Current Music: these days-by Nico

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